


oibamney: a story of three lovers

by oikawamemesquad



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 15:59:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3816391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oikawamemesquad/pseuds/oikawamemesquad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>obam(eme)a was jst a boy. who cared abt America. he obamacared</p>
            </blockquote>





	oibamney: a story of three lovers

**Author's Note:**

> re·gret  
> rəˈɡret/  
> verb  
> 1.  
> feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity).

obama was jst a boy, ,, jst a boy but also a democrat and also th presdident of the united america. he jst wnted 2 b free,,,, b ut then romey APP EAREDE. “obma-chn….i will tAEK UR FR EEDUM” boma g aspd. “ronmye-kun……………………………….i thught u were my fr eind !!!!!!” “ombaa-chan i mstu win th elect ion…..i canNTO LE T U WIN !!!!!”

th 2 b(ee)oys jst wnted 2 b(ee) fr iends.. btu th ele ction tore thm apart…………… BUT. bu tt. 1 day thy me t a boy who cud brign them 2ge ther??? 

“hllo mabom-chan i am oikww” th chocltea hared boy sed, rasign an eyebrw in…….seDUCSHUN??????mmmmm so hawt sizzlez “o-okwi…” bamoa sa id, fluttrign his yelashs. rmnoye wathed them frm af ar...PLanIGN. a pLA N. “oh oikwkawi-chann~~~” rnomey calld, hsi v oice soundig M ALIC IUS………...btu still nic e enuff 4 oiwki 2 com ov er

dummy oikawa cum ovr

remnoy shoots him lolololol  
mmmmmmmmmmmmm whatcha sayWAIT I GOTTA AD SMTH 

 

mm whatcha say

obam w8ted fo r oiwk to com bakc bu t……...th bo,y nevr re turNED ????//???/ “the ded cant cum bak-ed elric” romney sed

‘“dam thts deep’” obena sed’btu he still ripd of f hs arm………..he ws,,,,,,,,,,,,,,eD WRD EL CIR?????? “a HAAHAHAH” he sez,, pullign off a badl c ap 2 reval his lu shus blondy w aves.v sexe. mmmmmm sizzlez. 2 hot u fry egg. wow yumfry egg on leg so hot. delicouse3 layERz (lololo im SO RA DNOM XDDDDDD O_o) (excuse me that was not random that was a carefully planned line to capture the essence of shrek in this writing)  
obememe lookd @ rmenoy wit angr in hiz eyes…...he wnted 2 dest roy romenye….sso he wippe dout hsi mA SSIVEDO NG. IT WAZ EVEN BIGGER THAN ROCK DONG IT W A S SPIKIE R THEN RO CK DONg HO LY FUFCK??????? SH ARK(NADO)PER THAN ROKC DOGN. he wipped it out like a sword. “lets fight ramnee” obama(ed???) sed  
rommers fwhipef out hs own swerd and twas alredy HA RD. HOYL SHTI KILLGIN PPL DOES SMTH 2 U AMIRITE  
obbmamama yelld n ran at rmny wih his dickie out, reddy 2 fite.  
aye aye captainfcuk  
suddnly ther was a so und ovr by th white casa,,,,,,,,,,th 2 yoai men stppd fiting 2 go see wht it was btu rom(e)mers faintd bc obmsm dong ws 2 bomb  
ob(ee)am(e)m(e)a contiued to the sourc of th sound. “wh at cud it bee?” he thght. suddenlt he head the sound of an angelic voice singing in Japanese.  
♬ SEKAIIII DE ICHIBAN ONEE DESAMAAAAAAA, LALALALA, SUGOIIII♬  
“This is the most boodiful sound I have ever heard…” obmbmememmea was lost in rapture. He began to cry tears of joy. “with this voice I believe that we can fix America’s debt problem… And who needs free healthcare when this voice could heal us all? Obamacare will be irrelevant but I don’t even (obama)care… this voice is too lovely. I must find this person and ask them to be my vice president!” romeme wok up agen 2 see a butiful womn wit blu hair,,,, she ws so prtty,,,,,,but THEN. tehn. he realizd it was…………….OIKW!!!!!!!!!111!!!1!  
bobamemea creyed irl tears @ oiwkw’s revivl,,,he ws so happy,”thanks obam”,  
”Oikawa, I’m so glad you’re back! But how is this posble? I tught rny (this line ws 2 cliche so im jst gonna post smth right here Where are we? What the hell is going on?The dust has only just begun to fall,Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.Spin me 'round again and rub my eyes.This can't be happening.When busy streets amass with peopleWould stop to hold their heads heavy.Hide and seek.Trains and sewing machines.All those years they were here first.Oily marks appear on wallsWhere pleasure moments hung before.The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this still life.Hide and seek.Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)Blood and tears,They were here first.Mmm, what you say?Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.Mmm, what you say?Mm, that it's all for the best? Of course it is.Mmm, what you say?Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.What you say?Mmm, what did you say?Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.(hide and seek)Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.(hide and seek)Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.(hide and seek)You don't care a bit.You don't care a bit.You don't care a bit.(hide and seek)You don't care a bit.You don't care a bit. you!” ‘nhing CAN 369NOSCOPE OUR LVOE DESU~’  
Romney laughed. “Oh, Obama, do you think anyone could kill someone this beautiful? My bullets from my non-gun-controlled gun because I am Republican and hate gun control could only bounce off this perfection!”  
‘EXCEPT UR YOGHURT SLINGIN GUN LMAO’  
“Oh no, I don’t support yoghurt gun control either… Do you think anything could control THESE GUNS?” Romney flexed his arms. And also his dick. At the same time. I don’t know how but it was sort of terrifying.  
‘this one’s called Alexander Hamilton’ rommers kissed his left bicep, bulge bulge ‘and this on’es calles th e 2ND AMMENDMENT (or something)’ bulge bulge he could rival iwaizumi. maybe. possibly. probably not. nothing can rival iwaizumi but oikawa was still pretty happy with romney’s biceps because at least these biceps weren’t going to beat him at arm wrestling. ‘u can never control these guns’  
‘i lov e u more than i love the statue of liberty’  
‘yeah? well I love you more than I love the washington monument! who needs a monument shaped like a dick when i can have your monumental dick?’  
le gas p ‘ronmee-san,

 

‘i want to show you guys the most important weapon collection in the whole of the united states'  
he reached for a button n press it  
there wer alot ov monument shapd dildos  
“THESE R MY MONSTER DINGLE DONGLES” rim(job)ney sald  
oikwaa and obameme gasped, they were huge and shaped like united america monuments WOW. wow. amazing.  
“i cnt contr oL MYSELF,’ oikaw(hatsune mike(who is she?))i uelled and. he coul d not takle the sighT OF THE SE E MOS TNOER D O N G S. it was too much for his muscle-brain (thanks kageyama).  
‘rommers’ obama said bro-ishly, bc the y are br o s in lo ve even thou gh h they a re o pstarcrossed + lovers like rom(ney)eo and juliet. romneyeoeooeoe. yodelling.  
;what shud we do obameme,’ romn y asked v condcern es for hte poor japnpese b(ee)oy who ha d o pfallen to the gro und. ‘is he ded’  
‘no he just coul dnt sta nd these G UNs’ ROMMNI flexed hi s gun s bulge bulge  
‘romnye’ okaiw(h)a(tsune mike) begged. ‘im so tu rneED ON BY UR MONUMENTAL MONUMENTS. ple as e. let sm ake some SWEAT MUZIK (gettit cos hatsune miku hahahahalololol1l12)’  
‘what bo ut me’ aske d obamelric (bc apparently that is a thing now. just go with it.)  
romney looked doubtful all of a sudden. “But what about Ann and Michelle?” he said. “We are both canonically marrid!” (irl totally counts as canon all right my word is law)  
Obmama luuked wrri ed. “I do luvz Mipearlyshell and her strong arms(beewa’s r still better and hotter tho)(excuse u, hanamakiwa’s arms tho). She is a wenderful w mman and I dont knw what I’d do w itho tu her. BUT THIS IS A FANFIC AND I’M AN ANIME CHARACTER LOOKING AT MY INEXPLICABLY RIPPED 60-YEAR OLD POLITICAL RIVAL AND AN ANIME CHARACTER WHO DIED AND REINCARNATED AS ANOTHER ANIME(excuse mike is nat anime charatcer k!1!!!11!1) CHARACTER. I think I ded and in hell already, tbh to bh, to be honest honestly, and reality has long cae rsed to have any mea nginf or me. Look at us! Where are we? Are we in hte Whit House? r we outsid White House? I sort of thought we were outside White House but apparenly there’s a button easily available for pressing that lets Romnuoy reveal his dildo colllelrction. How did he even get that here?”  
Roomney shrugged, looking sudfenly y uncomfortable. “You know, now that I think about it, that does seem modrtley impluseaibe. I haven’t even been elected. I’m not even a congees boy(jst a boy,,,, ,) , I was governor Massachusetts, for Iwaizumi’s (he is our god now. iwaizumi bless) sake! Why do I have access to the White House?”  
“And why would you install it on the White House Lawn?” Ob(ee)am(eme)a continued, wrinkling his nose in disgust. “Do you just let the random groudskpe eers press that button any time they want? Is this a shared collection of monunmentla dildos? Because that’s really gross, dude. But more to the point, what kind of reality is this? I can feel the lines of my life blurring slowly at the edges, blending in and out of a sordid dreamscape. Am I a successful political candidate dreaming of being a b(ee)utterfly, or am I a bee dreaming of being a successful political candidate? To be or not to be, that is the question- whether tis nobler in the mind-”  
Oikwi punch Objimmy in the fcae, zooming and nyooming him bak into charucter. “Dude, you’re overthinking. Just go with it.(do it for hte vine lololololo)”  
and tehn obameme elric yELLED LOUDL Y BC HE COULDN T TAKE IT ANY MORE AND HIS DONG. HIS DONG. IT EXPLO DE D FROM HIS PANT S. (a/n: vocaloi d rocks lolololol!!!!12121!!@111)  
‘holy cow batman!’ oikawi miku crye d. romnie gaspe d. ‘that is a big don g. king dong.’  
obamelric ed truly did. have a meter long king kong dong since he is ed elric it’s probably metal. smooth and shiny. not spiky like the rock dong god help ur asshole.  
tht dong waz his legacy

 

\---notes---  
ITS NOT GAY IF ITS ON THE MOON  
i just want to use the peenie words is that too much to ask  
ok im done i wash my hands of this mess. this is as far as im willing to go into american politics.

 

that’s so cruel and wonderful ameme

how did that happen even i am so idk i killed oikawa off but he reincarnated as hatsune miku lmao 

 

yo ok oikawa is now hatsune miku and obama is ed elric i guess  
meter long king kong dong

I don’t even know who’s talking to who anymore who is this conversation between someone save me why am I writing RPF I hate RPF so much poor Obama doesn’t deserve this he is a very good president  
I am a political science major how can I show my face in class on Monday


End file.
